They met online, obviously. The irony was how Cry had almost loathed him at first - some big Swedish YouTube star getting all famous, and what about him? Ryan found himself rather ashamed of how he'd spoken of Pewds back then. But sooner or later the fanbase comes around, screaming for co-ops and for two gamers to come together, either on the same team or to at least beat the living daylights out of each others' characters. And for all irony's sake, the mod had to be 'Cry of Fear', didn't it?
May the 2nd, 2012, "CO-OP MODE TIME!"; it began with a stammering Cry doing the nervous intro:
"H-how's it going, bros, my name is..."
"Wh-Pewdiepiee! Haha... And welcome to Cry of Fear, with Cry, himself, that sounds really weird..."
The words would by the wind to the sails of their ship, picking up passengers around the world. He and Pewds were in an instant bromance, starting with Felix's nickname "cryisasexybeast". At first it was just a tease, but over time... fanfictions, fanart, comments and suggestions, and all under the title of one quote; May 4th, 2012, "TWO SWEDISH POLICE OFFICERS ON A JOURNEY!".
"Ha-ha-how's it going bros? My name is-"
Tumblr, dA, even Youtube exploded, the cannons of the ship blasting their way into reality, stories and pictures sent to them both making for awkward late night conversations. Time differences and Cry's lack of waking up made it all the more difficult. When Pewds would get online, Ryan was either asleep or drunk out of his mind, voice even more sultry and slurred, leaving Felix to wonder...
At first even Pewdie mocked him, saying his face was like that of the 'Cry of Fear' character - "you've gotta look at me when you're that beautiful. This is what Cry exactly looks like, by-the-way" - until after a while Scott and Russ talked Ryan into revealing himself. Heck, it was one man, and he was as trustworthy as the come: what could go wrong?
Everything. As soon as Felix saw his bright cerulean eyes glisten in the dark of night, as soon as he gently brushed the loose strands of silk-chocolate locks from his cheeks and revealed his fuchsia blush, Pewdie had to re-evaluate his whole life. His girlfriend. Italy. His friends and family. Somehow it didn't seem so difficult to leave everything behind.
Marzia tried to talk to him, and they made videos together as always, but more and more Felix found himself longing for the honeyed tones of his voice, needing to see the spark in his eyes as his perfect lips turned up as soon as the Skype box opened.
The teasing became hidden flirting - 9th August, "TWO GENIUSES PLAYS!: Portal 2" brought back the age-old love song with the quote:
"Cry, Cry, Cry Cry Cry Cry. Do you remember?"
September 21st was thereafter dubbed International PewdieCry Day.
Watching the video back later, Cry would spot Felix biting his lip as he said it, and suddenly it all dawned on him. Depression followed. Pewdie had a girlfriend, a house, a family, a life completely seperate to his own - not to mention something else he had. Ryan was straight, of course he was. In an emergency Late Nights, he confessed to Scott and Russ, but no one else, ashamed and embarrassed and hoping his hope wasn't to be wasted.
Felix was to come to Florida not too long after. He could hold out for that.
Between, bouts of severe insanity led him to rooftops, or so the implications of his friends were. After what Felix had threatened a few weeks ago at the hospital, and being sworn to secrecy, the word was avoided, but it stung in their minds - suicide. Always right on the edge.
Until Pewds arrived. Too see Ryan in person... he actually hold him in his arms... it wasn't enough. But where to go? They got on like true soulmates, exciting and threatening both men with their own feelings every time. Waking up on Cry's sofa, he'd breathe in, and catch his scent in the air, humming to himself, finding Florida far too confortable. Felix met the gang, made friends with most of them. Red was awkward, and a while later, when things sorted out, she would admit to shipping them. Hardcore. But sooner than expected his flight was heading back to Italy, back to Marzia, back to reality.
As he was packing his bags, Cry had stood in the doorway, watching him sorrowfully, heart racing, pleads screaming in his mind, but knowing there was nothing he could say.
And just then, without turning, Felix had murmured, "I meant it."
"Back in 'Cry of Fear'. When I said you were beautiful. I knew you were." Turning round, a flash of watering blue as he added, "And I was right."
As soon as he'd zipped up his bag, he was gone out the front door, into his taxi, and onto a plane for the long flight to a place that was no longer his home.
They kept in contact, trying to get over eachother, trying to forget how their hearts had lept whenever their hands had brushed, whenever they'd awkwardly side-stepped around eachother and blushed whenever their gazes had lingered too long. Co-ops dwindled down, too nervous that their emotions would get the better of them, but they kept talking, always chatting, but never what they wanted to say.
It seemed an eternity before Pewds returned. As soon as he'd stepped into the house he'd breathed a sigh of relief, found himself almost crying, for irony's sake. Knowing something was wrong, Ryan had rushed up and hugged him in the doorway, holding him close.
Felix had let himself lean into Ryan's shoulder, embracing everything about him, hands slipping down to the small of his back, and still neither of them letting go. Ryan had held him back, rolling his cheek on Felix's chest, listening to the beat of his heart, finding it just as rapid as his own. And Ryan was nervous as he stood back but never wanted to let go, looking up at him, seeing the glint in his eyes, almost sweating with the tension and wanting as Felix had leaned closer and kissed him so softly he hardly felt it, but his soul was rejoicing, finding himself trembling to hold Felix's cheeks, tug him lower, stood as tall as he could, touching their lips together again, slowly, until passion overtook their minds.
He had asked him to be gentle. Felix didn't know how. Ryan trusted him implicitly, reassuring him through trembling pants that he wanted this. As hands clutched together brutally and other-worldly moans coursed through them, everything they had ever known was left behind, washed away in hot showers, and the closer they got, the more they knew they could never be apart again.
Felix never did return to Sweden. He had found his home, his love, his everything.
And then he'd lost it all.
Cry was silent for a long time, trying to get his head round it all, almost tearing up as he wondered, even know, how he could ever live without this man. No, he didn't remember September, or October or November or December, didn't remember falling in love with him... but he didn't have to. Glancing round at Felix, tears of joy stung in his eyes, never having felt so alive, so relieved to be alive.
And then a tune came to mind, and he shut his eyes, recalling the words, before looking up, whispering,
"How do I get through one night without you?
If I had to live without you, what kind of life would that be?
Oh, I need you in my arms, need you to hold...
You're my world, my heart, my soul."
Pewdie gulped, the song that had haunted him for so long suddenly seeming to be such a comfort, and he teared up, took a deep trembling breath, smiling widely, murmuring, "Ryan..."
"Felix," Cry replied, sniffling, "Pewds..."
He wrapped his arms around him, hugging him so tightly, nuzzling into him to hide his tears, both of them desperate not to let go as Felix managed, "I-I'm never going to leave you."
"I-I know... I know..."
He cleared his throat, wiping his eyes on the back of his hand, before Felix leaned closer and brushed them away for him lovingly, still beaming, fingertips tingling with every touch. And then Ryan put his hand into his pocket, clutching something, blushing and blushing again and still blinking tears from his eyes, taking Felix's hand, slipping off the couch, leaning on one knee as he eased the ring back onto his partner's finger. "I would go through anything, to fall in love with you again." Ryan kissed Felix's wedding ring, held his own left hand over it, clutching tightly, swearing silent promises. "You did it before and I guess you've done it again. You saved me, Pewds."
"No Ryan..." Felix murmured, and tipped his chin up, kissing him briefly. "I was lost without you. We saved eachother."